Spinning

Back when I was in school I wondered (less often than I should have, no doubt) whether there was, in fact, any point at all to the assignments we were given. During those times, it seemed like we were all – teachers, students, parents – caught up in this huge machine that required nothing of us except that we produce: students produced assignments, teachers produced marks and lectures, and parents produced anxiety (and snacks, of course). The objective of all this effort was simply activity itself – keeping the wheels moving – and any residual skill or knowledge was an inadvertent by-product (for instance, did you know the Ruby-Throated Hummingbird is the only hummingbird species that migrates as far north as Ontario?). Ultimately, the products themselves didn’t matter except insofar as they were evidence that we were, in fact, “working.” Well, except for the snacks. Snacks always matter!

I still get that feeling sometimes, despite the fact that I generally like my job as a public servant and sincerely believe the work I’m doing will ultimately benefit Canada and Canadians. Just like when I was in school, I know in the grand scheme of things there’s a point to these activities that fill my days – but I can’t always make the connection between the big picture and all the piddly day-to-day stuff. Why am I reviewing this workplan when I know it will be trashed within two weeks at the outside? Why am I providing feedback that no-one has time to read, much less incorporate? Why am I summarising this 130-page report? Why am I spending two hours at this meeting? Why do I spend time filing my e-mails? (ok – that’s actually satisfying … I know, I’m weird!)

It feels funny to look back on my day knowing a good chunk of it was spent not really getting anywhere, but simply making the wheels go round. And sometimes it scares me how good I am at keeping things turning and how little time I really spend making the connection to where we’re supposed to be going. The truth is much of the time I love the process as much as the product; and yet, I strongly suspect that this is not necessarily – or at least, not always – a good thing. (Unlike snacks, of course!).

I’m honestly not sure where I’m heading with this post … like most things, I began without a good sense of where I wanted to get to … I suppose I’m just wondering if other people experience this same sense of disorientation and disjunction – or is it just the product of my own slightly off-kilter mind?

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Additional Note - I'll be out of computer range for the next couple of days. Don't worry, I should be back by Monday!